Kayastha Marriage Customs

Engagement (Sagai)
The boy and his family are invited by the girls family to their house or any other venue for the engagement ceremony. Rings are exchanged and gifts given to the boy, his parents and immediate family members. Sweets, snacks and fruits are given along with.

Marriage (Shaadi)
Marriage follows the engagement. The day of the marriage is fixed after astrological consultations at a mutually convenient date. A list of invitees and family members from both sides is usually exchanged to facilitate proper arrangements and gifts for all who attend. Traditionally, gifts are sent to the grooms family and relatives by the brides family. These gifts are called "Sobha". Brides receive jewelry & clothes.

While arrangements for the marriage are being made, a few days before the marriage the younger sisters, and brothers of the groom-to-be, invite the bride-to-be. This social meeting gives a chance to the young members of the grooms family to know the bride better.

Marriage ceremonies begin with "Bhat Nyotna", 2/3 days before the wedding day. Grandparents from the mothers family of both the bride & the groom are invited to bless their grandchild on the occasion of her/his marriage. This personal invitation is also sent to all the maternal relatives.

On the eve of the wedding day "Mehndi" is applied on the hands and feet of the boy / girl to be married at their respective houses, by his / her mom, aunts & sisters. Mother of boy / girl and also other female relatives decorate their hands by applying ‘mehndi’. This occasion is celebrated with music and dance.

On the wedding day, it is customary for the girl to be up early and visit the temple to offer her respects to Goddess Parvati and seek blessings for a happy married life. Th Bride-to-be is usually accompanied by her cousins & friends. Thereafter, the Girl’s brother/s, sisters and a priest proceed to the grooms place to extend a courteous invitation to the marriage, in the latter half of the day.The girls brother applies a tilak on the groom’s forehead, for his well being and safety. Obeisance is paid to the ‘Family Deity’ after each ceremony. After the ‘tilak’ ceremony, coconut and sweetmeats, and a ring are presented to the bride-to-be by the boy’s brother and sisters, accompanied by their priest.

Haldi ceremony follows, wherein turmeric paste is applied to the bride & groom, by their respective family elders (women only in both cases), in preparation of the marriage. Thereafter, the two are bathed. The bride and groom, dressed in traditional wedding attire are then prepared for the Baarat.

"Baarat" is the name given to a procession carrying the groom from his place to the girls house, or the venue for the wedding. A special turban called "Sehra" is worn by the groom. The groom travels either on a decked up horse or in a decorated car. Upon arrival at the wedding venue, the ‘Baarat’ is received by the bride’s family members with garlands (milini).

A pooja is performed at the entrance to the wedding venue. Thereafter, the groom proceeds to a stage or a central area where he and the bride exchange garlands. This is the ‘jaimala’ ceremony. The bride first garlands the groom followed by the groom doing the same. The groom is welcomed by the brides mother by performing an ’Aarti’.

At the auspicious time astrologically determined by the priests of both the families, the groom and the bride are brought back to the entrance of the venue. The groom is requested to stand in a marked area (chawki) and the Maternal Uncle of the bride holds and carries her around the groom three times, with the Pandit chanting the ‘mantras’. This is called ‘Baahar-ke-Phere’.

A special enclosure prepared for the wedding ceremony is called a ‘Mandap’. The two priests, one from each family, perform the marriage rites. The marrying couple is made to take vows to remain faithful to each other and pledge to face life together through thick and thin. A sacred fire is lit in the center of the mandap and the couple to be married is made to circle the fire seven times. This is known as a "phera". At the conclusion of the ‘pheras’ the bride and groom exchange the seating place The groom is now seated to the left of the bride.

A few rituals by members of the brides family follow. The bride is now ready to leave for the grooms house. The Baarat leaving the wedding venue to return to the grooms residence is known as ‘Vida’’.

The newly wedded couple is welcomed at the Grooms residence by a traditional  ‘Aarti’. Then, all members of the grooms family join the couple and shower them with gifts and ornaments. This is called ‘Ruh-Numai’. The bride and groom acknowledge and seek blessings by touching feet of all the elders of the family. Later, 'Shri Satya Narayana Katha’ is performed to give thanks to ‘Lord Shri Vishnu’ for the successful culmination of all ceremonies.

Next day the newly married couple visit the brides parents house for the ‘Dhol pujane ki rasam’. The bride wears all the ornaments and jewelry given to her in the grooms house at ‘Ruh-Numai’ ceremony. All the relatives of the bride get a chance to see all the gifted items. After the ‘Dhol pujana’ the married sister puts tika on her brothers forehead and the parents present her a set of clothes. Then the couple returns to there house. ‘Satyanarayan katha’ is held for thanks giving.

On completion of one year of marriage, the coconut tied to the ‘Bareilwa’ worn by the bride at the time of marriage is untied by the grooms sister after a pooja is performed in front of the deity of the house.